The Sinatra effect - mentoring or coaching?

If asked for advice, do you sometimes find it a challenge to decide whether just to give that advice, engage in a mentoring conversation, or to adopt a more coaching style to assist the person making the request? This can often be a challenge.

Coaching is normally less directive and should encourage, though appropriate questions, observations and reflections, getting the recipient to work out the best solution for their issue. They have a level of knowledge of the situation we are unlikely to have, whereas mentoring is usually where a person with greater experience or knowledge shares it with the other party.

Mentoring, being more directive, usually takes less time. The risk though, is not having all the facts and details about the dynamics involved. So, whilst the advice maybe correct, it may not give the desired outcome for the recipient when applied. Coaching on the other hand should encourage the coachee to explore as many facets of the issue as possible to come up with options and maybe the best solution. This in a busy workplace may take time and so resorting to mentoring may seem to be better use of time.

Is there a place for both? Without a doubt, experienced coaches find there are times when the coachee may not have the knowledge or may welcome the sharing of a model or tool to help them resolve their challenge. Sharing of a model: is this mentoring or coaching? Does it matter as long as it helps the recipient make the best decision they can? If the goal is to help them learn and make the best decision, then a mixture of both could be desirable. Similarly, if there is a degree of urgency or, perhaps, only one correct response, then it might make more sense to advise or mentor first, then use coaching questions to review the outcome and help the coachee understand the advice given.

There may still be a challenge. When one coaches or mentors the recipient is likely to become more aware of the process and may use it with their colleagues where appropriate. This modelling probably underpins successful learning organisations. There is a risk that recipients may notice the advice/ mentoring more than the effective coaching questions/ reflections and may apply this arbitrarily. This could potentially bring risks to those without appropriate training.

What is a possible solution? Perhaps it lies in having clarity as to what one is doing, if it is giving advice or experience, then flagging it up as mentoring and asking for permission, saying , for example, 'may I share an example or model with you?'. Then one can revert to coaching afterwards, again asking permission to do this, so that it is obvious what is being offered at that time. Coaching requires the coach to be present in the moment, to be aware of what is happening, and to be aware of the coachee’s reactions and emotions . It requires doing by the coach, being aware and actively choosing questions as well as reflecting observations, guiding the process. Mentoring is much more about being the ‘wise owl’ or ‘Yoda’. As we have discussed earlier, it may be appropriate to use both styles during a discussion. So, it’s a bit of doing, being, doing being as needs be.

So finally, here's the Sinatra connection! This could be ‘do be do be do’ rather like scat singing or some of Sinatra’s refrains used in his songs. Either way the result should be a polished performance.

Based on an original article by Alasdair Miller, Mabel Saw & Tim Kemp